Swallow me !

This post has been in the draft for a few days. Felt that it is very apt for today as its my birthday :-)

                                                                 

...Surely Goodness and Mercy shall swallow me all the days of my life" ..so went Joanna's recitation of Psalm 23 in a hurry this morning..

Swallow is very closely linked with the words 'engulf' or 'disappear' in my mind. The Anaconda swallowed a deer. The Tsunami swallowed people and many a coastline, the big FISH swallowed Jonah and more personally, I swallow bitter pills.
The end result of the 'swallow' process is that the object disappears ! Thats probably the very reason why pride and anger are hard to swallow !  Swallow sounded very negative till I heard Joanna say it !

While i definitely don't want to be swallowed by an Anaconda, I absolutely want God's goodness and mercy to swallow me ! There's nothing better that could happen to my day. How do I know when I have been 'swallowed' ?  I recognize it when God's Favor least expected greets me and his forgiveness undeserved embraces me. Then the object ' Me , myself and I' disappears and all the glory and praise goes to God alone! I love the quote - only God can turn a mess into a message, a test into a testimony !
When the worst worry threatens you,
And your wildest weakness overwhelms you,
I pray that you will run,
Cry or fall into the arms of God..
for there, his goodness and mercy will enfold you !

Though it seems like chance or coincidence (I know its neither !), today my brother has posted Psalm 23 (MSG). Please head over and read it Lesson #1.
My Birthday wish cum prayer for you my dear reader friend -
"May Gods goodness and mercy swallow you too !!"

Hand or Heart ?

As much as I go beyond Jo's needs and try fulfill her wants, I find that her expectations never cease. Many a time her one desire spills over to the next one, leaving no room for heartfelt gratitude. Oft times, She fails to see my love and the extend of my sacrifice on her behalf. Yet whether or not she understands and appreciates, my love and concern for her does not cease. I am sure every parent would have experienced this at some point in their parenthood journey.

Just got thinking this morning, how focussed I have been on God's hand. I often tell the Lord how much I need his hand of healing, his hand of protection and provision. I desire his hand of blessing over every aspect of my life. Yet as soon as i experience Gods hand in one particular area, I move on to the next needy area in my life. Looking forever it seems to his hand. While there is nothing wrong in looking to Gods hand, I felt God telling me to listen to his heart and seek his face.

Gods face reflects his heart. As I lifted my focus off his hand to his face, I saw things I had never seen before. His love for me shows in his eyes - I am the apple of his eye. John 3 v 16 stared back at me attempting to express the extend of his love. As much as I saw love in Gods face, I also saw sorrow. His heart ached for the lost and lonely. Pain was etched on his face over his hurting children. It was then I saw beyond my need and greed. My selfishness loomed large before my eyes. It hurt to see my Daddy hurt.

Oh that we would see through his eyes and hear through his ears. If only his heart cry would become ours. For His heart seeks that we would be his hands. That Praying hands lifted in worship be transformed as helping hands.
He desires we mouth his words, words of comfort and healing. Oh that our feet would walk where his would tread. Going forth, reaching out, snatching away souls from the flames of destruction. To be his candle burning bright, dispelling the depths of despairing darkness.

While its true that the hand is not far from the face, what a change of perspective I experienced when I gazed into Gods heart through the mirror of his eyes ! Let us live each moment seeking his face and doing his will, while resting in the knowledge that we are engraved in the palm of his hands !

Follow direction, Focus and Persevere

My life till late was content being a Spectator - enjoying sights and sounds on every road journey. The pleasure was all mine to dream or doze as I would choose. My thoughts or speech needed no rein when the steering lies in 'another' hand. 'Backbenchers' dont take responsibility for Enroute Choices or Decisions. The status quo has changed ever since I started to learn driving.
Learning to drive is truly an experience by itself. Driving in Oman is nothing less than a challenge. Just in case you didn't know, the traffic mortality rates in Oman are soaring like never before. In order to earn your driving license, you need to clear a 'Drum and Slope' test as well as the 'Road Test'. Follow the rules, Focus and Persevere have become keywords in the 'Learning to drive' saga of my life.

Those of you 'Drivers' reading my post know what driving entails -

Follow Directions to reach the Destination : I have to follow traffic rules and also need to be sure of the directions to my destination. If I doubt the directions I need to trust a reliable companion to help me find the way.

Focus and Persevere: I have learned much about this ever since my driving lessons. I am required to be Alert with a capital 'A'. My initial challenge was to remain on 'my' lane. Though the lane markings guide me, I was often tempted to stray when I 'feel' a vehicle alongside mine. I cannot be carried away by the 'Sights and Sounds' along the way. I have to fix my eyes ahead and keep going in the right direction.

Maintaining the right perspective has become essential. If all I did was look through the rear view mirror, I would lose sight of what lay ahead. What lies behind me is not as important as what lies ahead except when I need to reverse.

The journey ends when I reach my destination : I cannot give up or give in till I reach my destination.

I could not help but draw n analogy to our journey of Faith. As with any journey on earth,

I need to follow Directions to reach my Heavenly Destination.
In my journey from life to death and on to eternity,I have not been left behind to find my way. Jesus is The Way. The Bible is my 'Instruction cum Direction Manual'. The Holy Spirit is an ever present companion revealing the truth of the Written word. I cannot be lost as long as I listen to the still small voice.
John 14:6 NIV Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 14:26 NIV But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

I have to focus and persevere.
As I run the race of faith there are enough sights and sounds that tempt, stall or discourage me. I am often bogged down by all that life throws at me -maybe its the family,finances or friends. Maybe it is the neighbours stinking attitude (not to mention the disgust at my own attitudes).
Through it all we are reminded in
Hebrews 12 v 1-2 - Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.

Maintaining the right perspective is another challenge :
Too often the rear view mirror looms large ! My past Fame or its Shame can take me on a tangent. The rear view mirror needs our attention when we need to repent. It also reminds us to be grateful for all that lies behind. Nevertheless, we cannot remain in the past. You and I have to move on to all that lies ahead, to all that God has called us to.
Acts 3:19 NIV Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,
Psalm 103:2 NIV Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--

Journeys End :I know for sure that my journey here below will not stretch forever. Just as all journeys on earth come to close, my race of faith will reach its finishing line. Yet unlike journeys here below, I cannot determine my expected time of arrival.As much as I long for my heavenly home, God has fixed my date and time of arrival.
John 14 v 2-3
In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

If you can capture the joy and relief of reaching home after a long long journey, it will give you but a meagre glimpse of what it would be like for the journey to end.  I pray for myself and for you dear friend that till that moment arrives, you will Follow directions, Focus and Persevere on  to your heavenly home.

Insomnia...

The title of this post did not exist in my dictionary till yesterday. Rather, I have always had this notorious ability to sleep. As a matter of fact, you will need a bit of history to help you believe that. I'll start with the story of a 10th grader's watery wakeup call...

 

I have a dear sister, younger by 3 years. When I was in the 10th grade, she had the awesome privilege and responsibility of waking me when the alarm rang. This sweet soft spoken sister would diligently get up at the first ring and call me in the gentlest tone possible. On occasion I would debate with her whether she called me at all. When no response sounded from yours truly, she would instead sit to study her 7th grade portions. No alarm clock gifted on birthdays was loud enough to wake me from any stage of slumber. I would continue to sleep till the...Creak! The creak belonged to my parent’s bedroom door. That creak was never louder than the alarm, yet never failed to wake me for fear of dire consequences otherwise. I was forever grateful for the creak till the day my mother crept (I am sure she crept under their door!!) to find me sleeping! She motioned to my sister not to wake me, got a bucket of water (or maybe it was a mug - not really sure) and poured it on my gloriously sleeping beautiful face. Dearest younger sister got a "double portion" scolding that day, from my mom for not waking me and from me, for not letting me know that mom was awake. Unfortunately the water did little to cure my ability to sleep deep... I have been blessed with a mother who catnaps through life! I would always quote to her the bible verse "God gives sleep to those whom he loves".

Sleep and I have always had an intimate relationship. I could fall off to sleep while reading, talking, standing, sitting etc..And the relationship goes further in that I had been blessed with the ability to talk and walk while sleeping!! Now, I hope you understand why Mummy is blessed to cat nap. When I was in first grade, my parents never had to ask me about school. I would give a very vivid description of what I learned including the choicest words the teacher used to scold anyone in the class, which was otherwise forbidden at home. Sleep walking was fortunately cured when I left home for hostel (maybe as a result of Mummy's prayers)!! Sleep talking and walking though, wasn’t an everyday affair!

Sleep talk was something I continued into college. I had my school senior in hostel and she would get a kick out of asking me questions when I was sleeping. In the course of my sleep conversation I would wake up, carry on with my eyes closed and add some extra dialogues to pretend that I wasn't actually sleeping!! In fact I could take an engineering lecture in my sleep. I guess my roommates thought I was more intelligent in my sleep!! The heights of sleep talk occurred when my roommate tried to wake me to clear her doubt in operations research. I sat up in bed, asked for a pen and paper and solved the whole problem for her, gave her back the pen and continued in deep sleep. Morning when she thanked me, I had no clue about anything the previous night...sounds creepy but that’s the truth!! At the final year farewell party in the hostel, our juniors were unanimous in crowning me "Sleeping Beauty"

No matter what the exam, no matter how big a job interview, no matter how terrible the day- nothing has ever robbed me of a good night’s rest!! Neither the office desk nor dorm rooms, train berths nor KPN(midnight journey) bus seats, nothing has stood in the way of sweet slumber for me...I would often say that Jesus slept through the storm and so can I.

God had a big joke in store when it came to marriage. The deep sleeper got married to my mom's relative, the Cat napper!! Lloyd was for sure startled when he heard midnight narrations. The smart guy that he is, he would never pass the opportunity to quiz me, in the process of which, I would wake up and add my conscious bit too. Sometime into marriage, God graciously cured me of the sleep talking!!

Before I had a baby, I worried/wondered whether I would hear the baby cry when I am sleeping... God is great for even the slightest whimper would wake me. I would involuntarily say "Thank you lord".....I haven't reached the stage when anything and everything can wake me. But for now I am thankful that Joanna and the alarm can wake me, and of course God does wake me up whenever I let him know I need some special time with him...

Now that you have a detailed Patient history, let's discuss last night's problem. It was 9:30pm. Lloyd was already on transit from third heaven to fourth heaven!! I had Joanna in bed and put the night light on. Within a few moments of lying down, I found I just couldn't sleep. Jo was as usual fidgeting but that had never stopped me before...I shut my eyelids tight and ended up with a headache trying to fall asleep... I thought I would stay till Jo slept, and then read myself to sleep. As luck would have it, Joanna was wide awake and busy talking to herself.. I kept quiet, trying to pretend that I was asleep and meanwhile found that my head hurt less in with eyes at half mast. Finally I told Joanna that she was happy not sleeping coz the night light was on. I got up and switched it off. I then tried my best to count sheep but unfortunately no sheep could induce sleep. My imagination was stuck. I tried to pray softly but my head was throbbing with pain and I couldn't concentrate...

I was puzzled to say the least. Me, the notorious sleeper, who was the most likely candidate for a Nobel Sleep Prize, was struggling to sleep?? What was wrong with me? Why was I struggling to catch a wink of sleep? As I waited in silence for an answer to my queries, my heart went out to those who suffered from Insomnia. I brought to God all those who were up at night worrying about their tomorrow. Those that wept onto their pillows and them that had nowhere to lay their head. I found my thoughts go on to thank God for the roof over my head, the peace and rest he gave me each night were priceless. I thanked him for the sweet slumber I have always enjoyed. The Gift of Sleep - I had never known the value of this gift, rather took it for granted till the night I suffered its lack. Thankfulness lulled me ever so gently into sweet slumberland.....

Have you dear Friend , thanked God for rest and sleep ?

Test of Pain !!

There are days I am fed up...plain tired..tired of all the demands...tired of all the To Do's..tired of the balancing act..going deeper still...I am tired of being kind and nice when it hurts to be that way..tired of forgiving when I don't feel like it.. Tired of loving when some just don't deserve it. There are days I just want to give up..want to stop being kind, stop being nice..stop being forgiving..stop loving altogether.. Have you ever felt that way ?

i find myself wondering whether God made a big mistake of leaving me behind on earth to face all this music after my salvation...wish being 'born again' meant opening my eyes in heaven the next moment...wish the journey upward wouldn't take so long and wouldn't be so hard... Unlike John Bunyans pilgrim, I battle "everyday" with anger, pride and so many more and hardly see progress. If only the battle weren't more with myself than others...
What does Gods word have for me ? God says,"His Grace is sufficient for me ..His strength is made perfect in all my weakness..I am being transformed into the image of the likeness of Jesus.." I feel like I am in the fire..the Refiner
's fire. Oooh !! It hurts me with a capital 'O' !! The flames aren't warm n cozy, they're HOT !! I squirm..I avoid the heat as best as I can..

Life lessons hurt to be learnt...oh to be yielded and still always..Oft times I find myself dodging the hurts and pains that come my way.. I am reminded of Dr. Paul Brand who said something to the effect that we need to be thankful for the gift of pain.. It reminds me I don't have a halo over my head.. I am human, alive and kicking alrite!!
Disappointment, discouragement, fear, anger and many more emotions crowd my everyday life. No different from father Abraham, brother Joseph,lil boy David,lone boy Daniel or friends in flames,Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Yet through it all God remains unchanging, ever loving, forever caring...

Many a time I wish I could clear the 'Exam' at one shot. I am sure you know about those Exams - the tests on pride or anger or bitterness or unforgiveness or fear or whatever your weakness be .. Though i wish there were only one exam ..God does things differently..He does it like we have it in school..different grades on each subject..right from kindergarten to professional degree..He first takes me step by step through the lessons on anger...then when I have cleared the kindergarten tests on anger, I get promoted to grade 1 lessons on anger and then face the grade 1 test for anger ..if I flunk I get to repeat another syllabus on anger for the same grade, God can't be fooled you see..I can't cheat in the exam :-(
To be honest i have flunked some tests more times than i care to admit..One good thing though, God hasn't thrown me out of school and he doesn't reveal my grade level to anyone else. People may see the results..Yet God remains patient and believes I will clear with flying colors someday.
And though I don't see that day anywhere near... Gods faith in me, his hope that I will graduate, his eternal love for me, pick me up and set me on my feet to run this race again !!

Planned, Unique and Special !

My Inspiration for this post - Baby Naythan (second son of Sony and Tejyana Mathew). Thats our first view of him when his maternal grandmom carried him out.

These are days of fancy houses and fancier cars...

My trip to one such villa began thus - the gates have remote sensors that recognize your car and swing open/shut. The doorbell is a camera screen and your live video image can be viewed from within the confines of the house. Take a step into any room and the lighting senses your entry/exit, presence/absence and same goes for the air conditioning as well. You walk in and the lights go on, the room gets cooler, soft music fills the air -everything designed to take your breath away. The structural and electrical engineering details entailed in a house construction are truly amazing. The rampant advances in remote sensors and touch screen technology makes ‘my’ life seem like in the B.T (before technology) era.

The concept for any house is conceived in the heart and mind of the owner and/or builder. Elaborate plans are made right from foundation to every corner details. You don't have any doubt that houses are planned, do you? That's a dumb question! Of course, we all know that houses have originated from building plans! If in doubt, ask any architect/builder/owner or for that matter anyone with common sense.

Why did I ask whether you thought houses were planned? Well, you know how it is these days. Imagination runs wild and along with it does belief! It’s good in some ways. But just imagine a house coming up by itself. One fine day at a particular spot, the bricks lay themselves one on top of the other, cement splatters itself on walls, the roof falls right on spot and paintbrushes sway to a painting rhythm! By virtue of such imagination, I could be the owner of a dozen houses!!

Again for wild imaginations sake, why would you think there were plans for this universe? Isn’t it easier to assume that everything just flung from space into place? You know what they say about creation right? Galaxy’s and stars swinging and flinging themselves with a mind of their own....Planets dancing a jig right into orbit....The sun flashing itself into existence and the moon, one round cheesecake that decided to stick around the earth. Further still, the oceans decided their boundary while the day of the dinosaur dawned and died on its own and of course finally, a whole lot of monkeys kept working on their expressions and movement till one fine day ...Ta da... here stands me!! No plans, No work....just plain abracadabra... wild imagination indeed!

How I wish meals appeared on my dining table the same way. My family sit at the table..and Ooh la la.. there appears choicest dishes...Quite alike the monkey transformation, with time the bread on my table takes the form of chocolate gateaux !! How are man and monkey different? Sounds to me more like, the bread thinking I could have been a cake. And man thinks he could have been a monkey except for some processing difference along the way that just so happened.

Why did I begin with the house? I believe I am planned into existence by God. Why the galaxy, the dinosaur and monkey? Just that I stand in awe of Gods amazing wisdom in creation. What’s with the bread and cake difference? Ah, that’s to let you know that my great grandfather was definitely not a monkey. As much as monkeys humour me, I don’t wonder why I am on the other side of the fence. I am planned, unique and special! And so are you !!