There are days I am fed up...plain tired..tired of all the demands...tired of all the To Do's..tired of the balancing act..going deeper still...I am tired of being kind and nice when it hurts to be that way..tired of forgiving when I don't feel like it.. Tired of loving when some just don't deserve it. There are days I just want to give up..want to stop being kind, stop being nice..stop being forgiving..stop loving altogether.. Have you ever felt that way ?
i find myself wondering whether God made a big mistake of leaving me behind on earth to face all this music after my salvation...wish being 'born again' meant opening my eyes in heaven the next moment...wish the journey upward wouldn't take so long and wouldn't be so hard... Unlike John Bunyans pilgrim, I battle "everyday" with anger, pride and so many more and hardly see progress. If only the battle weren't more with myself than others...
What does Gods word have for me ? God says,"His Grace is sufficient for me ..His strength is made perfect in all my weakness..I am being transformed into the image of the likeness of Jesus.." I feel like I am in the fire..the Refiner
's fire. Oooh !! It hurts me with a capital 'O' !! The flames aren't warm n cozy, they're HOT !! I squirm..I avoid the heat as best as I can..
Life lessons hurt to be learnt...oh to be yielded and still always..Oft times I find myself dodging the hurts and pains that come my way.. I am reminded of Dr. Paul Brand who said something to the effect that we need to be thankful for the gift of pain.. It reminds me I don't have a halo over my head.. I am human, alive and kicking alrite!!
Disappointment, discouragement, fear, anger and many more emotions crowd my everyday life. No different from father Abraham, brother Joseph,lil boy David,lone boy Daniel or friends in flames,Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Yet through it all God remains unchanging, ever loving, forever caring...
Many a time I wish I could clear the 'Exam' at one shot. I am sure you know about those Exams - the tests on pride or anger or bitterness or unforgiveness or fear or whatever your weakness be .. Though i wish there were only one exam ..God does things differently..He does it like we have it in school..different grades on each subject..right from kindergarten to professional degree..He first takes me step by step through the lessons on anger...then when I have cleared the kindergarten tests on anger, I get promoted to grade 1 lessons on anger and then face the grade 1 test for anger ..if I flunk I get to repeat another syllabus on anger for the same grade, God can't be fooled you see..I can't cheat in the exam :-(
To be honest i have flunked some tests more times than i care to admit..One good thing though, God hasn't thrown me out of school and he doesn't reveal my grade level to anyone else. People may see the results..Yet God remains patient and believes I will clear with flying colors someday.
And though I don't see that day anywhere near... Gods faith in me, his hope that I will graduate, his eternal love for me, pick me up and set me on my feet to run this race again !!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Planned, Unique and Special !
My Inspiration for this post - Baby Naythan (second son of Sony and Tejyana Mathew). Thats our first view of him when his maternal grandmom carried him out.
These are days of fancy houses and fancier cars...
My trip to one such villa began thus - the gates have remote sensors that recognize your car and swing open/shut. The doorbell is a camera screen and your live video image can be viewed from within the confines of the house. Take a step into any room and the lighting senses your entry/exit, presence/absence and same goes for the air conditioning as well. You walk in and the lights go on, the room gets cooler, soft music fills the air -everything designed to take your breath away. The structural and electrical engineering details entailed in a house construction are truly amazing. The rampant advances in remote sensors and touch screen technology makes ‘my’ life seem like in the B.T (before technology) era.
The concept for any house is conceived in the heart and mind of the owner and/or builder. Elaborate plans are made right from foundation to every corner details. You don't have any doubt that houses are planned, do you? That's a dumb question! Of course, we all know that houses have originated from building plans! If in doubt, ask any architect/builder/owner or for that matter anyone with common sense.
Why did I ask whether you thought houses were planned? Well, you know how it is these days. Imagination runs wild and along with it does belief! It’s good in some ways. But just imagine a house coming up by itself. One fine day at a particular spot, the bricks lay themselves one on top of the other, cement splatters itself on walls, the roof falls right on spot and paintbrushes sway to a painting rhythm! By virtue of such imagination, I could be the owner of a dozen houses!!
Again for wild imaginations sake, why would you think there were plans for this universe? Isn’t it easier to assume that everything just flung from space into place? You know what they say about creation right? Galaxy’s and stars swinging and flinging themselves with a mind of their own....Planets dancing a jig right into orbit....The sun flashing itself into existence and the moon, one round cheesecake that decided to stick around the earth. Further still, the oceans decided their boundary while the day of the dinosaur dawned and died on its own and of course finally, a whole lot of monkeys kept working on their expressions and movement till one fine day ...Ta da... here stands me!! No plans, No work....just plain abracadabra... wild imagination indeed!
How I wish meals appeared on my dining table the same way. My family sit at the table..and Ooh la la.. there appears choicest dishes...Quite alike the monkey transformation, with time the bread on my table takes the form of chocolate gateaux !! How are man and monkey different? Sounds to me more like, the bread thinking I could have been a cake. And man thinks he could have been a monkey except for some processing difference along the way that just so happened.
Why did I begin with the house? I believe I am planned into existence by God. Why the galaxy, the dinosaur and monkey? Just that I stand in awe of Gods amazing wisdom in creation. What’s with the bread and cake difference? Ah, that’s to let you know that my great grandfather was definitely not a monkey. As much as monkeys humour me, I don’t wonder why I am on the other side of the fence. I am planned, unique and special! And so are you !!
My trip to one such villa began thus - the gates have remote sensors that recognize your car and swing open/shut. The doorbell is a camera screen and your live video image can be viewed from within the confines of the house. Take a step into any room and the lighting senses your entry/exit, presence/absence and same goes for the air conditioning as well. You walk in and the lights go on, the room gets cooler, soft music fills the air -everything designed to take your breath away. The structural and electrical engineering details entailed in a house construction are truly amazing. The rampant advances in remote sensors and touch screen technology makes ‘my’ life seem like in the B.T (before technology) era.
The concept for any house is conceived in the heart and mind of the owner and/or builder. Elaborate plans are made right from foundation to every corner details. You don't have any doubt that houses are planned, do you? That's a dumb question! Of course, we all know that houses have originated from building plans! If in doubt, ask any architect/builder/owner or for that matter anyone with common sense.
Why did I ask whether you thought houses were planned? Well, you know how it is these days. Imagination runs wild and along with it does belief! It’s good in some ways. But just imagine a house coming up by itself. One fine day at a particular spot, the bricks lay themselves one on top of the other, cement splatters itself on walls, the roof falls right on spot and paintbrushes sway to a painting rhythm! By virtue of such imagination, I could be the owner of a dozen houses!!
Again for wild imaginations sake, why would you think there were plans for this universe? Isn’t it easier to assume that everything just flung from space into place? You know what they say about creation right? Galaxy’s and stars swinging and flinging themselves with a mind of their own....Planets dancing a jig right into orbit....The sun flashing itself into existence and the moon, one round cheesecake that decided to stick around the earth. Further still, the oceans decided their boundary while the day of the dinosaur dawned and died on its own and of course finally, a whole lot of monkeys kept working on their expressions and movement till one fine day ...Ta da... here stands me!! No plans, No work....just plain abracadabra... wild imagination indeed!
How I wish meals appeared on my dining table the same way. My family sit at the table..and Ooh la la.. there appears choicest dishes...Quite alike the monkey transformation, with time the bread on my table takes the form of chocolate gateaux !! How are man and monkey different? Sounds to me more like, the bread thinking I could have been a cake. And man thinks he could have been a monkey except for some processing difference along the way that just so happened.
Why did I begin with the house? I believe I am planned into existence by God. Why the galaxy, the dinosaur and monkey? Just that I stand in awe of Gods amazing wisdom in creation. What’s with the bread and cake difference? Ah, that’s to let you know that my great grandfather was definitely not a monkey. As much as monkeys humour me, I don’t wonder why I am on the other side of the fence. I am planned, unique and special! And so are you !!
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