Simon Peter

Andrew is 'picture perfect' - a disciple of John the baptist, spiritual , unselfish, a loving brother, great faith in Jesus, humble and so on. The "first thing" Andrew does (John 1 v 41) after meeting Jesus is to tell his brother Simon, and bring him to see the Messiah.

I wonder why Simon went to see the Messiah. Was it curiosity ? Was it to appease Andrew ? Simon was brash with a temper like the tempest. He was the sea hand who probably didn't care much for sermons. But here he was ... before Jesus. The bible says Jesus "looked" at Simon. In Greek that "look" describes a concentrated, penetrating gaze. I wonder what it is that Jesus saw ?

Did Jesus see a cussing, blunt and raw fisherman, as crude as they come ? Those strong and cracked hands and rugged appearance ? Did the smell of fish hit Jesus nostril ? We know Jesus looked beyond what was on the outside -  for Man sees the outward appearance but God sees the heart. 

Here was the man whose personality tossed and turned like the waves he was accustomed to. There was no stability for a fisherman. Everything depended on his catch and a hard bargain. No soft conversation and cushioned bed for the night - only hard labor on a rough sea. This was no learned scholar like Paul who would come later. Here was a man, raw in speech and action.

I believe Jesus saw the doubt in Simon's heart, his insufficiency and inadequacies. A heart that says, "Lord I don't fit, I am no good. I'm just an ordinary fisherman. What can the kingdom of God have to do with me? My brother - he's the good one Lord. I am full of weaknesses, I don't amount to much other than fishing. I am impulsive, short tempered and fearful. How can I ever be of any spiritual good to anybody when I need you more than everybody?" 

I love Jesus' response !! He said, " You are Simon the son of Jonah" - Jesus knows Simon for who he is (present) and where he has come from (past). His history is not a mystery to Jesus. Jesus does not rehearse Simon's faults and lay the charge sheet out before him. His very next statement is "You shall be called Cephas (Peter)". Cephas is translated "Stone or Rock". Simon's name was changed by a man who has seemingly just seen him for the first time. The Word which created every cell in Peter's body speaks 'Life' into his life. Jesus saw Simon for who he was going to be - Peter. 

The anointing of the Holy spirit would transform the fearful Simon who denied Jesus thrice before the servants in the High Priests courtyard to be the bold witness preaching up a storm before people from every nation who had come to Jerusalem. The angry fisherman who sliced off the ear of the high priest servant would heal the sick with love and compassion in Jesus name. The Lord held Peter close and helped him to Trust and Obey.

I think about Peter and I say, I have hope !

Race to grace

I could attribute it to the fact that Thomas the Apostle stepped foot in my home-country ( Kerala) or just blame it on my genetic disposition, but I need proof before I can blindly accept the stated conclusion in most situations. My need for evidence is an instinctive response blurted as a 'Why' before I realize it.

I don't just wonder how mountains will be scaled, some valley traversed rather I need statistical data that it can be done. Now that's fine when those mountains and valleys are real ones - but when 'they' are people or work situations in life, its often quite hard to predict the outcome as the variables are too many in the equation. Most often (more truthfully, 'Always') it was when I have done 'my share' of the 'working' that I ask for help. My working does not always turn out as neatly as those done on the right hand side of the maths notebook page. Mine can take over the whole page and proceed as scribbles and scratches with no final solution.

I was just thinking how often I exhaust my resources such as the internet ( how did we live life before Google ?) , people(parents, friends , siblings , subject matter experts the list goes on ) to arrive at the best solution to problems. All these resources definitely have their place but they are all finite in their capabilities and each bring their limited perspectives. God seems so far away when life is breathing down my back and I am bending and breaking over the load of my burden and my resultant brokenness.

I must admit with shame, that to ask and seek help from an infinite God with his limitless power and strength is often my last resort. My heart pours forth its helplessness and I confess like the father of the tormented son in Mark 9:24 - Lord help my unbelief ! My unbelief in your strength and power to provide for all my needs (Physical, emotional, social - whatever) in every circumstance of my life.

Now, that for me is normally where the 180 degree turn begins and I race into a loving heavenly fathers arms ! Rest of the story, is grace !

God in flesh

How I wish you were here, 
in flesh and blood...
My hands reach out in longing,
for the warmth of your embrace.
If only I could see you with my eyes,
and know you were near..
If only I could hear you with my ears,
and know your will, loud and clear..

How I long,
to feel the touch of your hands,
the promise to wipe my tears that fall..
How I long
To walk beside you,
to talk my heart out to you..

Yet dear Lord,
with this gift of faith you have given me
my heart sees my Immanuel,
God with me...
my ears hear your word,
as your presence fills my soul...