I could attribute it to the fact that Thomas the Apostle stepped foot in my home-country ( Kerala) or just blame it on my genetic disposition, but I need proof before I can blindly accept the stated conclusion in most situations. My need for evidence is an instinctive response blurted as a 'Why' before I realize it.
I don't just wonder how mountains will be scaled, some valley traversed rather I need statistical data that it can be done. Now that's fine when those mountains and valleys are real ones - but when 'they' are people or work situations in life, its often quite hard to predict the outcome as the variables are too many in the equation. Most often (more truthfully, 'Always') it was when I have done 'my share' of the 'working' that I ask for help. My working does not always turn out as neatly as those done on the right hand side of the maths notebook page. Mine can take over the whole page and proceed as scribbles and scratches with no final solution.
I was just thinking how often I exhaust my resources such as the internet ( how did we live life before Google ?) , people(parents, friends , siblings , subject matter experts the list goes on ) to arrive at the best solution to problems. All these resources definitely have their place but they are all finite in their capabilities and each bring their limited perspectives. God seems so far away when life is breathing down my back and I am bending and breaking over the load of my burden and my resultant brokenness.
I must admit with shame, that to ask and seek help from an infinite God with his limitless power and strength is often my last resort. My heart pours forth its helplessness and I confess like the father of the tormented son in Mark 9:24 - Lord help my unbelief ! My unbelief in your strength and power to provide for all my needs (Physical, emotional, social - whatever) in every circumstance of my life.
Now, that for me is normally where the 180 degree turn begins and I race into a loving heavenly fathers arms ! Rest of the story, is grace !
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